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Dear Bondage Brittney I have been dating a guy for about six
months. Over time our relationship has evolved and on few occasions, we
have even done some light bondage, blindfolds and handcuffs. My
boyfriend finds it a turn on when I blindfold him and handcuff his hands
behind his back and then have my way with him. Of course, he get so
turned on, that I find it exciting as well. We have talked a little
about this aspect and we would both like to take it further and sort of
explore it. But the one problem I seem to have is knowing what to do.
The blindfold and handcuff thing was easy, but how do I figure out what
to do beyond that? I have read stories and seen some pictures, but how
do I find my own creative ideas ?
Tonya32
Dear Tonya
I'm glad to hear that you and your boyfriend are trying different
things, it is also important that you both seem to be communicating
because when it comes to exploring BDSM, communication is essential. So
whatever you do, please work hard to keep that going.
I often hear from women especially who are having a hard time
finding or coming up with creative ideas. Naturally these are almost
always women who are assuming a dominant role. After all, if you were
assuming the submissive role then you wouldn't have to come up with the
creative ideas now would you! Because of this complication, I think many
women who would like to assume the dominant role when it comes to BDSM,
but end up settling on the submissive role because it is easier for
them. Frankly it doesn't have to be this way.
To find your own creative ideas, you do as a women have to open
your mind up a bit. Women in the USA have been conditioned all their
lives to think that porn movies are a vial and disgusting thing. This
type of conditioning has also been applied to porn magazines as well.
And now with the advent of the internet, it is being spread to include
surfing porn on the internet as well. Most porn is marketed to men, and
so as a whole men are much more knowledgeable about different types of
sexual experiences and fetishes simple because they are more exposed to
it and women are not.
So how do you find your own sense of creativity ? it is simple.
Get the thought out of your head that porn is vial and disgusting and
instead look at it as a roadmap to discovering new and exciting sexual
experiences. Seek out bondage themed porn movies, especially those that
involve the female being the dominant one. Watch these movies by
yourself and with you boyfriend, talk openly about what looks exciting
or interesting. Watch some others by yourself just to get ideas. Surfer
porn on the internet, join some sites and look at the pictures of what
the women are doing to their submissive male subjects. Look at the
detail, look at how they tie them up, how they dress, how the male
submissive is dressed. Again, explore some of these with your boyfriend
and talk about them.
By taking the approach above, I think you will also find that your
boyfriend will even open up more over time and tell you what he likes
and dislikes, what turns him on, what he fantasies about and because he
won't feel that he is being judged in anyway, it will be good
communication between the two of you and a source for finding your
creativity. It is open, honest communication that you helped foster by
just wanting to achieve the sexual desires you both have and any
good relationship advisor will tell you, communication between you and
your partner is the most important thing to a long and satisfying
relationship.
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